I was lying in my bed, staring at the stars.
I wondered, “Where the frick is my ceiling?”
Last night, a burglar broke into my house and started looking for money.
I woke up, switched on the lights and helped him look.
Despite our best efforts, we didn’t find any money at all.
I asked Alexa why I was still single.
She said: “sorry I have a boyfriend”
A programer’s wife sends him to the market and says, “Take some sausages… And if there are any eggs, take 10”
Half an hour later the programer comes back home with 10 sausages. His wife asks him, “Why are you bringing 10 sausages?” “They had eggs.”
I was going to donate blood today, but they always ask waaaay too many personal questions.
Like, “Whose blood is this?”, and “Where did you get it?”